Holidays and birthdays across two homes
Planning ahead, keeping traditions, and making peace with a different-looking calendar.
Holidays and birthdays can sting after a separation. The calendar is full of days that used to mean being together, and now you might be splitting them, trading them, or spending some of them alone.
It's normal for these days to feel bittersweet. A little planning can make them easier for you and your kids.
Plan early, in writing
Holiday and birthday schedules are one of the most common sources of conflict between co-parents. If your parenting plan or court order covers holidays, check it well ahead of time so there are no surprises. If it doesn't, try to agree with the other parent early and put it in writing, even in a short email.
Being clear and early is kinder to everyone, especially the kids, than working it out in an argument the night before.
The date matters less than the time together
If you don't have your kids on the actual day, you can still celebrate. Thanksgiving on Saturday, a birthday dinner the day after, or a holiday morning a week late can be just as special. Kids often remember what you did together more than which date it was.
Keep some traditions, start some new ones
Some traditions may still work. Others may not fit anymore, and that's OK. Think about starting something that belongs to your home, like a holiday movie night, a special breakfast, a walk to see the lights, or making a gift for someone else together.
New traditions don't replace the old ones. They give your kids something to look forward to in your home.
Help your kids enjoy both homes
Kids can feel torn on holidays, worrying that having fun with one parent will hurt the other. Tell them it's OK to enjoy every part of their holiday. Try not to make them feel bad about where they'll be or ask them to report back on the other home.
If you're alone on the day
Spending a holiday without your kids can be really hard. Try to make a plan instead of letting the day sneak up on you. See friends or family, volunteer, get outside, or set a time to call or video chat with your kids if that fits your schedule.
If the day feels like too much, reach out to someone. You can call or text 988 any time to talk. You don't have to get through it alone.