Staying close when you're not there every day

When you don't see your kids every day, it's easy to feel like you're missing everything. The time between visits can stretch out, and you might worry they'll drift away from you.

Closeness isn't only about how many days you get. It's also built from small, steady moments your kids can count on.

Be predictable

Kids feel safer when they know what to expect. If you can, pick regular times to check in, like a short call every Tuesday and Thursday before bedtime, and stick to them. A short call that happens when you said it would can mean more than a long one that comes out of nowhere.

If you have to miss a call, let them know ahead of time when you can. Then make the next one happen.

Keep calls easy

Phone and video calls with kids don't always go smoothly. Younger kids may wander off or only want to show you a toy. Older kids may give one-word answers. That's normal, and it isn't a sign that they don't care.

Some ideas that can make calls easier:

• Ask about specific things: "What did you build at recess?" instead of "How was your day?"
• Read the same book together, one chapter per call.
• Play a simple game, like twenty questions or "would you rather."
• Let the call be short. Ending on a good note beats dragging it out.

Create your own small rituals

Rituals are little things that belong to you and your kids. They don't have to cost anything. A special goodbye phrase, the same pancakes every Saturday morning you have them, a running joke, or a weekly photo of something you saw that reminded you of them.

These small habits tell your kids, "You're on my mind, even when we're apart."

Make your place their place too

If your kids stay with you, give them a spot that's theirs, even if it's just a drawer, a shelf, or a toothbrush that stays at your place. Having their things there helps them feel they belong, not that they're visiting.

Follow your parenting plan

Any calls and visits should fit within your parenting plan or court order. If the schedule isn't working for your family, the resources below can point you to official information and help.

You don't have to be there every day to be a steady, loving part of your kids' lives.